How do I say goodbye?

By: Erica
So I am graduating in less than 2 weeks. I know that I am obviously not the first to graduate but I just don't see where I can go from here. Unlike most people, my "home" with my parents is and has never been a real home to me. When I am in that house/city, I feel worthless and sink back to exactly where I was my whole life until MSU. I have struggled with self-esteem issues my entire life and being at MSU is the only thing that keeps me at a semi-healthy level. I am more terrified at this point in my life than I have ever been. To be honest, I barely made it out of my parent's house the first time. I honestly had given up on myself and thoughts of ever being truly happy and didn't want to continue living. Thoughts of going to college and escaping my hell were the only things that kept me going. Now what? I'm leaving the only place I have ever been happy. I can't even be around my family without feeling alienated instantly because what do you say to the people who you feel have never been there for you and having all this terrible family history that we aren't supposed to talk about and even if we were, the fact that I don't know how I can talk about it. I look at everyone in my family and see the same thing: absolutely no happiness, just trying to make it to the next day. I can't go back there. I don't have the strength to pull myself out of the hole. I honestly am not able to see the value that I bring to anyone's life and constantly doubt myself. Being at MSU has allowed me to feel better about myself but I now realize that maybe its just being here that makes me happy because the second I leave to go home/visit family I lose the little confidence I have in myself. Family is supposed to be your lifeline, your support. What do you do if you feel like you have nothing to say to your family and feel that you don't have anyone to talk to? I am seriously afraid of what might happen after I leave MSU......